


Grievance Process

by autumndynasty



Category: Code Geass
Genre: Character Study, Gen, M/M, Minor Character Death, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-03-08
Updated: 2012-03-08
Packaged: 2017-11-01 16:10:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 536
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/358753
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/autumndynasty/pseuds/autumndynasty
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Love and hate was blurred in that 7 year summer. A time to mourn and a time to reconcile.</p>
<p>Minor L/S. Spoilers for season 1 only. Lelouch-centric.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Grievance Process

**vi. denial**

And Summer began in gold, cerulean, amber and jet.

So many things had changed and so _quickly_ , Lelouch was glad for some stability at last, no matter what form it took. His sister would be better cared-for at Ashford Academy (not that they weren't managing fine before. Lelouch wasn't a child anymore; he couldn't be a child anymore).

They had more friends now. They cared for him and for Nunnally, so he cared for them. Honestly, he could have managed with just Suzaku, but it was important to have stability that would last. With this, at least, they wouldn't fall any further.

He would never let anything happen to Nunnally _or_ his new friends.

A new beginning.

 

**v. anger**

It was a betrayal, first and foremost. His oldest, closest, _best_ friend was no Britannian soldier. He was Lelouch's solider. Nunnally's knight, sired years ago.

His loyalty was to no one else. His viridian-green eyes should see none but violet. His words for none but him.

How dare he leave?

How-how _dare_ he?

 

**iv. bargaining**

Euphemia's death is not a mistake. He says it's in the past because it _is._ He meant for her to die. She had to. She _had_ to.

The command had been the mistake and he regretted it and he had done his grieving. But her death was necessary. He can lie to others, but not to himself. If he does that, he'll lose sight of his goal.

He just wishes Suzaku would understand and reconcile the truth with himself.

Lelouch sees reality in all its black-scarlet glory and Suzaku sees the blurry emerald-hued world of his own ideals. Lelouch hates it. It doesn't belong.

If Euphemia's death was no mistake, then neither is this, nor the past. And in the past, Suzaku helped. He has to help again.

Even if the remnants of his beloved enemy's illusions must be destroyed. _Shards of a broken mirror, reflecting both, cursing both, ground to dust. Ashes to ashes._

For the greater good. For Nunnally. For Suzaku. But mostly for _him_ because...

 

**iii. depression**

...because sometimes, very rarely, he wonders if he's doing the right thing and if he doesn't manage it soon, things may get out of hand and he never considered Shirley's family or anyone else's family for that matter and...

He grips Nunnally's pale hand. She smiles forward. At him, to him, _for_ him.

He wishes she'd open her eyes.

 

**ii. acceptance**

Kallen's shaking in the background still and he doesn't care. It's a red blur.

It's not a black and white scenario. It isn't even grey. It's his black gun and Kallen's red screaming and Suzaku's sharp olive gaze. The only brightness left.

His beloved enemy. Perhaps neither of them have the right to exist, fair enough. But there's still Nunnally and it's still a betrayal. A cold hard fact is what separates them, not two pieces of cold black gunmetal and a space small but impassable.

Lelouch is not pitch, but he's certainly black. And Suzaku is crimson. Lelouch can't contain the acid-laugh that erupts from the back of his throat. Suzaku will never be duller than that.

 

**i. death**

And Summer ends in black, purple, green and _crimson_.

**Author's Note:**

> This is reposted from my old FFNet account and was first posted in 2008. It survived the clear-out, desppite the obvious aversion I had to dialogue!


End file.
